THE MEG Review

A rule I typically try to abide by when assigning movies these abject star ratings is how much any given movie accomplishes what it initially sets out to accomplish and how well it accomplishes that objective. With director Jon Turteltaub's (Cool Runnings, While You Were Sleeping, the National Treasure movies) The Meg it is especially important to remember this rule as I will be assigning The Meg the same star rating as I did this year's Best Picture winner at the Oscars, Guillermo del Toro's The Shape of Water, but do I think The Meg-a movie about a prehistoric shark emerging from extinction to engage with Jason Statham in a rage-fueled brawl-is as good a movie as the one about the woman who falls in love with the fish creature she discovers at the top secret government facility where she works? Well, kind of-yeah. For very different reasons, of course, but given what The Meg knows it is and sets out to be and what The Shape of Water knows it wants to be and attempts to execute I'd say both films find just about the same amount of success in achieving those original intentions. Per The Meg, the rather exceptional marketing ("opening wide" and "pleased to eat you" are just classic) is something of a misrepresentation, but only slightly as the film is still very much aware it is a silly shark movie even if it ultimately holds itself to a higher standard than that of your typical B-movie fare while certainly taking itself more seriously than the Sharknado movies (of which I haven't seen a single one). Could The Meg have been a little more campy and, in turn, a little more fun with an uptick in the level of self-awareness? Absolutely, but is there enough fun mined from the outrageous premise to leave audiences happy with what they received versus what the marketing led them to expect? It seems this will largely be the deciding factor in how much enjoyment each individual party will take away from the flick, but for this viewer in particular (as well as my wife and countless others in our rather crowded 9:15 pm IMAX showing) The Meg balances itself well between allowing Statham to do his bit while giving the supporting players enough to do so as to endear us to the characters and their plight and playing up the corny elements to the point it's impossible to take anything The Meg does too seriously which only makes Statham's stern turn as Jonas all the more hilarious. The Meg is most certainly dumb and it knows it, but it never shows that full hand and one kind of has to respect the movie for that; the story is ludicrous and it knows you know that, but it kind of hopes you take the action beats seriously and by executing them in such a manner we're both in on the joke of and thrilled at the titular monster whenever they decide to show up. What more does one want from a movie about a prehistoric shark emerging from extinction to engage with Jason Statham in a rage-fueled brawl? Exactly. Nothing.

THE BFG Review

The latest from director Steven Spielberg is an odd little film. It is a project that seems all too good to be true. A feature length version of a classic Roald Dahl story, set to the music of John Williams, and directed by one of the greatest living filmmakers. What could possibly go wrong? The truth is, there isn't much wrong with The BFG if you're looking for a charming little think piece to show your children and teach them patience, but as far as the entertainment factor goes you might have the kiddos clawing at your feet five minutes in. Some children will no doubt find this story of a young girl who is kidnapped by an exceptionally nice giant and taken to his home in Giant Country to be completely mesmerizing and there are certainly plenty of reasons to be struck with this reaction, but as the film played out and as it became more and more apparent there was no driving narrative to the piece I became less enchanted with the product as a whole. More, the film is essentially Spielberg creating a handful of the type of drawn-out sequences he seems to have enjoyed crafting more and more in the latter part of his career. Extended scenes of discussions documented by richly creative camera movements with just as much inventiveness being poured into the setting and the performances. While such techniques give The BFG a sense of that Spielbergian touch that has been glimpsed in many a sequences in the auteur's other films there is nothing else to support such scenes here. On one hand, it is admirable that Spielberg and screenwriter Melissa Mathison (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, The Indian in the Cupboard) have created a film that doesn't care to hue close to the typical conventions of a children's movie or most movies for that matter as much of the first hour of the film is focused on developing the relationship between the titular giant (as played by Bridge of Spies Best Supporting Actor winner Mark Rylance) and Sophie (newcomer Ruby Barnhill) as they come to figure out one another in ways that subtly explore their similarities and differences enough that we see how well different types of people, never mind different types of species, can complement each other. At two hours though, there simply isn't enough content to justify the running time. The BFG may have made a truly enchanting short, but as a feature film this feels more like an escape for a specific niche of an audience rather than the broadly appealing summer family film it has been positioned to be.

THE LAST WITCH HUNTER Review

The Last Witch Hunter is one of those movies that, were Vin Diesel not coming off a more prominent period in his career, would star Nicolas Cage in the titular role. What that says about the actual state of Diesel's career outside of the Fast & Furious franchise is up for debate, but what is undeniable is the guy at least has some modicum of charisma even if it only extends so far. With that charisma he has chosen to portray an eight hundred year old witch hunter that operates within a film that feels all too familiar and all too like it should be released in the doldrums of January when the weather outside matches the dark, wet and dreary aesthetic of the film. Instead, Summit has decided to release the film around Halloween is seeming hopes that the it may connect on a festive level, but folks who flock to Diesel's follow-up to the biggest entry in his Fast franchise won't find the actor giving us the knowingly cheesy tone of that over-the-top action spectacle or even any solid action as everything about The Last Witch Hunter is messy and incoherent. This isn't to say the film has no redeeming qualities as some of the character design (mainly that of the Witch Queen) is pretty interesting and the costume design is sleek even if the palette director Breck Eisner (The Crazies, Sahara) is painting on is a grainy one. This is more or less to say that Diesel shows little range in his performance, but his jackets are nice. It doesn't help that half an hour in one can fairly easily tell where things are going story-wise and while what is hinted at more or less turns out to be true it's as if screenwriters Cory Goodman, Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless (yes, it took three writers to compose this slop) knew their script was too predictable and so they began throwing in random obstacles and twists that only end up making the film all the more confusing and all the more stupid. I hate to go into a movie doubting that it will provide anything of value, but if The Last Witch Hunter exceeded anything it was the expectation of just how generic and forgettable it would be.

Full Trailer for THE LAST WITCH HUNTER Starring Vin Diesel

Is Vin Diesel a movie star outside of the Fast & Furious franchise? I would argue no. He's tried to keep his brand alive outside of Dominic Toretto with the Riddick series, but the 2013l entry only earned $98 million worldwide, which isn't bad considering the $38m budget, but certainly doesn't inspire a lot of confidence in folks being interested. Diesel can also now claim being part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but we all know his contributions are minor and so it is understandable Diesel wants to spread his wings. The guy at least seems to understand the type of movies his style and image are best suited for, but that doesn't mean The Last Witch Hunter looks like anything more than a generic piece of crap. Concerning itself with Kaulder (Diesel) who was once a member of an army of witch hunters before slaying the Queen Witch and being cursed with her immortality, this flick looks like something that should have been dropped in theaters in January or February. I won't jump to any conclusions as I rather enjoyed director Breck Eisner's last feature film, 2010's re-make of The Crazies, but I can't help but feel this will be of the generic action film variety. The inclusion of witches and priests and the yellow/black/silver color palette doesn't do much to inspire otherwise, but more signifies it wants to stick to a very obvious, predefined genre-a genre that doesn't tend to produce solid fantasy films. Who knows, Eisner could take a tip from Diesel's main franchise and embrace the ridiculous and turn this into something rather fun, but I don't have high hopes and I'm not even sure I care to see it. What do you guys think? The Last Witch Hunter also stars Rose Leslie, Elijah Wood, Michael Caine, Ólafur Darri Ólafsson, Julie Engelbrecht and opens October 23rd.

A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES Review

At this point it's a matter of just how much of a badass Liam Neeson can be. As I said in my review for this years Neeson opener, Non-Stop, the guy has more than solidified himself as everyone's favorite action star by doing what Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger wish they could at his age and reaping the box office returns they desire. Why these aged action stars can't catch a break is probably because everyone saw them in their prime, knew what they were at the peak of their careers and lives and find it somewhat disheartening and sad, the reality of time. We never saw Neeson as a young action hero though, it took time for him to transcend the realms of serious and prestigious works to lighten up a little and deliver consistently in the B-movie genre, but that is likely a discussion for another time and another piece. Today, we talk about Neeson's latest turn as the man on the other end of the phone in A Walk Among the Tombstones. I had a strange idea of this film from the time the first trailer premiered and had yet to rectify that by the time it came time to sit down and enjoy the film. Knowing very little to nothing about the plot or types of characters involved I imagined it as a western (c'mon, that's a great title for a western) and from the few stills I'd seen hoped Neeson might be playing the scorned Sheriff who has to show the townspeople he still has what it takes or the outlaw with a moral compass that put him in a sticky predicament where he had to choose between his code and his life. That is neither here nor there though as what the film actually plays out to be is a detective story from the perspective of a retired police officer and now private detective that was once unable to resist the temptation of the drink and is now unable to resist a case where women have become the price paid for their husbands sins. It is a nasty little movie, one that doesn't break any molds or provide any new insight into the genre of film in which it resides, but it does what it is intended to do well enough while going on for fifteen minutes too long and resulting in a much less profound conclusion than it could have had it simply let the audience draw their own conclusions.