HELLBOY Review

While one might expect a single-word description of how they feel coming out of something called Hellboy to be along the lines of "bewildered" or "curious" or even "confused" what it actually feels like coming out of Neil "The Descent" Marshall's 2019 re-boot of the Hellboy comic character is "numb". There is so much happening in this desperate (zero-sense making) attempt to bring Mike Mignola's comic back to the big screen in hopes of launching another new franchise that it doesn't seem anyone involved stopped long enough to actually consider what that franchise might need to look like given the context of its existence. Instead, screenwriter Andrew Crosby is throwing as many characters, subplots, flashbacks, and countless other things at the audience at once that it's overwhelming to the point of feeling nothing. That is to say, this new Hellboy fits squarely into the cliché of "everything and nothing all at once". If one were to describe Hellboy and everything the film contains it would be almost ignorant to think that what was about to come your way couldn't potentially be one of the greatest albeit most ridiculous things ever concocted while in reality it turns out to be nothing short of the definition of incoherent. And despite so much going on, nothing lands, nothing to make you-the viewer-care about anything or anyone on screen. Yes, there is technically a narrative here, but this is mostly just an excuse to exercise some cool practical make-up and prosthetic techniques as strung together through blandly executed action sequences (except for the final, epilogue scene-where is that full version of Hellboy at?!?!). It’s not all bad as David Harbour (Stranger Things), taking over for the much-loved Ron Pearlman who previously dawned the sawed-off demon horns in Guillermo del Toro’s two original films, is seemingly having a lot of fun and making the most out of having the opportunity to play the character, but his vigor isn’t near enough to justify sitting through an extended two-hour runtime for a movie that could have been streamlined into ninety-minutes of pure, horror/action schlock. This version of the comic is what it seemed Marshall wanted to make given he was granted an R-rating, but even the leaning into of the restricted rating is wasted on an excess of blood rather than being capitalized on with more creatively gruesome endeavors.

Official Trailer for HELLBOY Starring David Harbour

In the category of things you didn’t know you needed, but are getting anyway (something Hollywood is admittedly good about) Summit Entertainment and Lionsgate have officially (and finally!) released the first trailer for the Hellboy re-boot starring Stranger Things star David Harbour. That feels rather odd to say given Harbour has been such a reliable character actor who’s been working for so long in what, at least in retrospect, feel like strong, adult dramas, but good on the guy for taking his new found fame and banking on it in a lead franchise role. By the time this latest incarnation of Hellboy hits the screen it will have been a decade plus a year since director Guillermo del Toro produced his well-reviewed, but overshadowed sequel: The Golden Army. I can’t say I wasn’t an offender of TGAs as it came out the week prior to The Dark Knight in the summer of 2008 and I was busy going to see Christopher Nolan’s sequel upwards of ten times in theaters, not giving TGA a cinematic outing until it reached my local dollar theater (RIP). The point being, when I did finally get around to seeing TGA I was genuinely surprised by how great it was and how much I found myself immersed in the world and mythology given I could take or leave del Toro’s initial film. And while it seemed for a long time in that decade in between then and now that we’d eventually, somehow end up with a third del Toro/Ron Perlman Hellboy movie, we did not...and here we are. Harbour looks like he’s having a ton of fun with the role if this trailer is any indication and I’m really digging the irreverent tone of the whole thing (director Neil Marshall made the 2006 underground hit The Descent and has directed A LOT of TV you’ll know), but as for what will differentiate this from the previous films story-wise remains to be seen though it should be noted the comic's creator, Mike Mignola, opted for this re-booted R-rated take rather than finishing out the del Toro/Perlman trilogy. A friend who has read a few of the Hellboy comics cited The Wild Hunt-which this film is said to be based on-as one of his favorites as it sees Hellboy getting the opportunity to wield Excalibur...so, good enough for me! Hellboy also stars Ian McShane, Daniel Dae Kim, Milla Jovovich, Sasha Lane, Brian Gleeson, Sophie Okonedo, Penelope Mitchell, Allstair Petrie, and opens on April 12th, 2019.

First Trailer for RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER

The Resident Evil film franchise has been around for fourteen years now and while it feels like an abundance of sequels have spawned from that 2002 original there have been only four, but as of early next year that will change when Milla Jovovich and her director husband Paul W. S. Anderson who has directed the actress in what will end up being four of the six-film series. At least, I assume this is the last one as it is subtitled The Final Chapter, but being as I haven't seen a single one of these movies I have no idea what this latest entry has in store. Given star Jovovich is turning forty-one this year I have to assume she's hoping to take her career in a fresher, maybe more interesting direction as, given the contained universe of the film, I have to wonder how much more story and territory there is for this character to explore. I know very little about the movies and even less about the games, but I understand they have something to do with an apocalyptic setting and the undead. I don't know that I'll be changing my tune with the Resident Evil movies come this January, but if I have the time it could be fun to play catch-up on the series of films and cap it off with the theatrical experience of the final film in the series-who knows, it all depends on what's going on at the time, but for now I'll stop my rambling and report to you that the story apparently picks up right after the events of the 2012 film, Retribution, as Jovovich's Alice continues her quest to stop the Red Queen from eliminating the few human survivors. To do this, Alice must return to where the nightmare began – Raccoon City, where the Umbrella Corporation is gathering its forces for a final strike against the only remaining survivors of the apocalypse. Yeah, I have no idea what any of that means, but Resident Evil: The Final Chapter also stars Ali Larter, Shawn Roberts, Ruby Rose, Eoin Macken, William Levy, Fraser James, Japanese model and personality Rola, and will open on January 27th, 2017.

ZOOLANDER NO. 2 Review

I'm not one who necessarily believes that comedy sequels are necessarily going to be horrible. I understand the case that is made for why many of them are and do in fact agree that Dumb and Dumber To may be one of the worst movies ever made, but as a rule of thumb, as a blanket statement, I like to think there is more to this phenomenon than that. No one will argue that comedy is the most difficult genre to pull off successfully and when one does so to the effect that it connects with a large group of people it is hard to not want to return to that well in hopes of capturing those same gracious returns once more. What is strange about this latest nostalgia-fueled sequel though, is that it didn't seem to connect with many people upon its initial release back in 2001. Ben Stiller likely knew this about his dimwitted male model character when he came up with it for a pair of short films for the VH1 Fashion Awards in 1996 and 1997. Stiller knew there was never a real chance the character would catch on or even that his modest comedy would make a boatload of cash, but he clearly loved the material and put his creative mind to the petal to not only come up with something silly, but something topical that provided commentary on the frivolity of the fashion world when compared to something as sobering as sweat shops and child labor laws. Then, something happened that Stiller never would have guessed or foreseen in a million years-Zoolander became something of a staple of the post 9/11 world in that it was released a few weeks after the attacks and provided some much needed silliness to divert our national consciousness away from all the horrible things that were happening. In this regard Zoolander, a film about the titular idiot model becoming the pawn of corrupt fashion executives in order to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia, held a special place in many people's hearts. It didn't hurt that the film was a genuinely good, funny comedy, but that fondness for this safe haven of a comedy has now snowballed into a world dominated by social media that consistently referenced and recapped the original enough that Stiller and co-stars Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell (each who have long since passed their pique popularity) couldn't help but to re-visit these characters in hopes of reaping those gracious returns once more. Instead of being the warm, safe place to return to in times of sadness or stress though, Zoolander No. 2 only makes it clear how sad the reality of these characters lives actually are. Even worse, the legacy of Stiller's once pristine fashion satire is now tainted by having dressed it up in something ugly.